More Nutty Goodness - The Balls Edition

Now, let me preface this by sayin' that I am in no way, shape or form a fan of Miss Piggy Deen.  She comes across to me as an obnoxious Yankee with a horribly fake accent masturbating her way to fame with a poorly executed gimmick.  Works my tits OFF.  In fact, when she got wonked in the snout with a flying, frozen ham I think I laughed so hard I shit out my own funny bone.  For your viewing hilarity (she was fine, btw.  Calm down.) here's the video:





That being said, my (unhealthy) obsession with peanut butter far outweighs some jackhole TV personality.  These things are to die for.  I know some of you (Ellie) are allergic to walnuts or pecans as am I.  I usually will just mix the confectioner's sugar with some cocoa powder and roll them in that.  You can also melt down some choclate bars and dip them in that - depending on just how big you want you butt to get for New Year's.

Anyway - without further ado - here is the recipe for

Miss Piggy Deen's Nutty Balls:

Ingredients:
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup honey
2 cups powdered milk
1 1/2 cups crushed cornflakes
1 1/2 cups finely chopped walnuts or pecans
1 cup powdered sugar

Directions:
Mix peanut butter, honey, and milk together in a large bowl to form very thick mixture. Roll mixture in small balls about the size of a walnut. Roll the balls in either the crushed cornflakes, finely chopped nuts, or powdered sugar. Place on waxed paper and refrigerate for 20 minutes.

p.s. A nifty trick for minimizing the mess when measuring PB - stick a cupcake/muffin paper thing or a piece of tin foil in your measuring cup before you cram it with the peanut butter.   Then you can just lift it out and scrape off the PB without getting into a cussing match with your measuring cup for withholding that last li'l bit.

Peanut Buttery Grubbery

I totally forgot about these until this morning when I went rummaging for something sweet.  I am a total peanut butter addict.  I eat it with a spoon - straight out of the jar - drizzled with honey...  So these cookies are a big ol' wet dream of bakery goodness.  And they are so easy they will make you slap your mama.

Ingredients:  One cup plaino Sugar (or half cup of plain and half cup of brown); One cup Peanut Butter (nutty or plain, your choice); One egg.

Yep.  That's it.  Todo.  Done.  Finished. 

Mix it all together until smooth.  Blob little one inchish balls onto an ungreased cookie sheet, smoosh 'em flat  and bake in a preheated 350 degree over for about 10 - 15 minutes - or until the edges brown.  Viola!  A dozen cookies just like that.

You can also add junk to them - these are GUHH-REAT with chocolate chips.  Very reeese's cuppy.

Aren't ya hungry now?  Go try them!!!  You won't regret it.  (Mine are in the oven as we blog!!!)

Get Your Grub On!

I know many of you like to bake and cook as much as I do.  These things are SOOOO addiciting.  Give 'em a whirl.  You'll fall in loves!!!

Pass around a tray full of these to your company (or co-workers) on Winter Solstice Eve or Christmas or Happy Thursday Night - or whatever you celebrate.

~Solstice Snowballs~

Ingredients: 1 cup butter (no substitutes),softened; 1/2 cup powdered sugar, 2 cups all-purpose flour, 1 cup ground walnuts, 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup powdered sugar (set aside to roll the baked cookies in).

Preparation: Preheat oven to 400*F. Cream butter, sugar and vanilla extract on high speed until fluffy. Add flour, walnuts & salt. Mix until well combined; roll the dough into small,1-inch balls and place on an ungreased cookie sheet (I line mine with parchment paper). Bake at 400*F for ten minutes. Remove cookies from the pan and roll in the powdered sugar,while still warm.

Recipe yields about 48 cookies.

Tip: a few days before you plan to make them,put the powdered sugar in a tightly closed container together with a whole vanilla bean.The vanilla bean will impart its flavourful essence to the sugar and can then be used in recipes or as a garnish.

[Source]

Cookies of Fortune

This was inspired by my Mimi's latest blog about impaired vision and trying to take out some poor hapless lad in the parking lot!  (Ha ha!)  I thought with Samhain just mere days away and while I still have an oven (am in the middle of moving to nowhere), these would be fun to make and take with me on my journey.  A new year with new fortunes.  This past year has taught me that one should really create their own fortunes - so that's exactly what I intend to do!!!  They're super easy to make, y'all - you should really make some for yourselves!  They take about a half hour from start to finish - easy peasy.  One thing to take into consideration:  use acid-free paper and pens (like you would use for scrapbooking) to do your fortunes - otherwise they tend to bleed and make an uggy mess - and do NOT use Sharpie markers!!!  Makes the cookies taste fonky!

• 2 large egg whites
• 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon pure almond extract
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 8 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 8 tablespoons granulated sugar
• 3 teaspoons water

• Write fortunes on pieces of paper that are 3 1/2 inches long and 1/2 inch wide. Preheat oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease 2 9-X-13 inch baking sheets.

• In a medium bowl, lightly beat the egg white, vanilla extract, almond extract and vegetable oil until frothy, but not stiff.

• Sift the flour, cornstarch, salt and sugar into a separate bowl. Stir the water into the flour mixture.

• Add the flour into the egg white mixture and stir until you have a smooth batter. The batter should not be runny, but should drop easily off a wooden spoon.

• Place level tablespoons of batter onto the cookie sheet, spacing them at least 3 inches apart. Gently tilt the baking sheet back and forth and from side to side so that each tablespoon of batter forms into a circle 4 inches in diameter.

• Bake until the outer 1/2-inch of each cookie turns golden brown and they are easy to remove from the baking sheet with a spatula (14 - 15 minutes).

• Working quickly, remove the cookie with a spatula and flip it over in your hand. Place a fortune in the middle of a cookie. To form the fortune cookie shape, fold the cookie in half, then gently pull the edges downward over the rim of a glass, wooden spoon or the edge of a muffin tin. Place the finished cookie in the cup of the muffin tin so that it keeps its shape. Continue with the rest of the cookies.

How not to write a recipe...

This was a submission I received a while back while compiling ideas for my recipe book.  I wonder if anyone told him it's not wise to smoke your shoes...  [Bracketed text is my responses.]

Apple Cookies

1 pkg of refrigerated sugar cookie dough (20 oz)
1 granny smith apple

Preheat oven to 350* Put sugar cookie dough in freezer for 1 hour. Remove wrapping from the dough. 

[Thanks! I would have never thought to remove the package. So often I love to chew on plastic!!!]

Cut into 22 thing slices.  

[I'm not sure what a thing slice is, but I'll give it a whirl!]

Arrange the slices in a circle  

[Why ??? Because it's pretty?]

about 1/2" from the edge of your pan (or baking stone if you have one). Slices should touch each other.  

[Because everyone needs to be touched.]

Make another row of slices inside the first leaving the center open. Peel, core and slice the apple and then cute the rings in half.  

[Yes!!! Because we can't have ugly rings! Damn it! Cute those fuckers! Now!]

Arrange slices in two circles on dough pressing the ends in slightly. Combine ingredients for topping and sprinkle over the dough.  

[Topping? Did I miss the topping? Where the fuck's my topping? My unwrapped cute rings are nekkid!!!]

Bake for 25 minutes or until lightly browned.  

[Don't want pasty cookies.]

Immediately loosen from the pan and allow to cool for 10 minutes before serving.

Po' Folk's Hoe Cakes

There are several different versions of this tried and true recipe. This one is the one I am most familiar with (and am munching on right now) because we grew up dirt, dirt poor and this one is cheap and easy to make - and with Mama's homemade Apple Butter - it's heaven. The reason they are called Hoe Cakes is because way back in the day, the workers in the field would actually use the blade of their hoe held over the fire as a griddle to fry up these little cakes.

Hence, Hoe Cakes:

* 3 cups all-purpose flour
* 4 teaspoons baking powder
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 2 tablespoons shortening
* Enough cold water to make a soft, but firm dough;3/4 to 1 cup liquid

Combine flour, baking powder and salt. Add shortening and cut through with knife until mixture resembles coarse crumbs.

Add liquid to make a dough that is soft but not sticky. If it is too sticky, just add a little flour, two tablespoons at a time, and knead until mixture is the right consistency.

Heat enough fat (any type: lard, bacon fat, vegetable oil, etc.) to cover the bottom of a large skillet.

Form dough into a ball, divide into 4 equal parts. Form each part into a round ball, then flatten with your hands to form a round, flat bread.

Place in hot fat and fry until bottom side is golden brown, then turn and cook in the same manner until the other side is light brown and the cake has puffed. Repeat for each piece of dough until all are done. Serve with butter and/or jam, jelly, or homemade Apple Butter!

Makes 8 (1/2 round) servings.

Go make yourself some. You won't regret it - other than they are terribly addicting and full of carbs!!! My kinda food!