Holy ... ! What the F... ! How....... Cute?

Fuck me running.  Away.  Now I don't like babies anyway - until they are about 35 or 40 years old.  It's just a thing with me.  They freak me out and make me nervous.  Well, a good friend of mine just birfed one out not too long ago, and fortunately I had not had the displeasure of seeing it yet.

Until today.  (Did I tell you I hate babies?)  She brought the little creature over in it's car seat - all bundled up like some surprise package from the bowels of pastel hell.  Already I was starting to get antsy because I knew she was gonna unwrap that fucker like a side of beef from the meat market and I was gonna have to...  I dunno.  Do something.  Say something.  Run away like Santa Claus from the other day.  As long as the titties stayed in and I didn't have to partake of THAT festivity, I'd be okay.

Or so I thought.  Ol' girl whooped that blanket back and it was like the fuckin' shower scene in Psycho!!!   

EEEEE!  EEEEEE!  EEEEEE!  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!   

DUDE, you aint never seen nothing like this damn child.  It looks like Koko the Gorilla got gang-banged by Max Headrooom and E.T.'s ugly bastard uncle and squirted spawn.  Seriously.

I gasped.  In fear.  I tried to play it off as one of those "Awwwwwwww.  How cute." routines.  I dunno if I was successful or not.  I expected the thing's head to start spinning and pea soup to go flying everywhere.

"Here, Uncle Rabbit, do you want to hold her?"  WTF?!?!?!

THAT'S A HER?????  Well fuck!  What do the males of the species look like?  Hell!!!

I cough-coughed and feigned a cold so I didn't have to hold it.  Fortunately, it had apparently been given it's tranqs for the day because it was having none of it.  Went back to sleep - snoring and farting.  I think I heard it growl.

I hate babies.  But I think I handled this one okay.

Now, if it had come running at me, we would have had problems.

How far can you kick a baby?

 And yes,I am fully aware that this post is sending me straight to hell - but there's plenty of room in my handbasket if any of you would care to join me.

A Year in the Life of...

A little bit of seriousness (it happens) from the tidelands of a mad hatter with no head gear (that would be me).  No snark; no sarcasm (well not too much, anyway).  And I don't think there is a single "fuck" in the whole drawn out diatribe.

With 2009 coming to a close, I have been reflective of all this year has been.  This was to be a "top ten" of the lessons I have encountered over the course of the last year.  I don't think I quite made it to ten, but I have certainly unearthed some very valid realities to give me pause and to consider for the year to come.

It's funny how clearly we can see toward the future in re-examining all that has passed.

Ode to Winter

With the recent onslaught of cold weather - snow in Texas - nipples hardened not by the foxy furnace repair man, but the chill in the air - a need for earmuffs and far too many clothes...  My inner bard was inspired by all this spaztastic chillyness to write a poem in honour of this frosty-ass frigid bitch that is vexing us all.  I hope you enjoy it.

Fuck!

It's Cold.

The End.

What's on your mind?

I found this nifty little site that compiles your top ten Twitter subjects.  Talk about really showing you what you send out into the Universe!!!  I was waiting with bated breath to see what mine were - I just knew that "fuck" was going to be on there.

It's really not that bad though.  Mine are:

What's on Rabbit's mind?

1. dance

2. [feed]

3.  

4. rabbity

5. words

6. six

7. y'all

8. hope

9. marriage

10. @georginadoll

 It's interesting to see in black and white what you are really running your mouth about.  We often say things (or blog or Tweet) and don't give it another second thought once it leaves our immediate consciousness.

Check your own here.

What's on your mind?  What are you sending out into the world?

Six Words Saturday

Six Words Saturday is a weekly series at

 Call Me Cate's blog, Show My Face. 

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. [...] Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. [...] All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required.

Mine for this week are:

"I am lovin' life right now!" 

I don't know if it is the fact that Solstice is just around the corner or what, but I have just been in the best of moods the past few days.  The week started out kind of rough - and I am in so much physical pain that I can't sleep or see straight, but I have what I can only liken to hope for the future.  I can feel the changes in the air.  They are almost tangible.  And they are changes for the greater good.  I just know it.  I feel it in my bones!  (Ha-ha!  Maybe THAT's why I am hurting!  Not used to so much positive energy!!!)

A friendly seasonal reminder...

Hope you have a DIVINE holiday!!!

Look Around, Rabbit!

I often sit here in front of the computer perplexed about what to blog. I am one of those people that writes everywhere - and on everything. I keep a stash of pens to make your supply closet look empty (which, if I have been near it, it may well be). But the creativity doesn't always flow in front of the computer. I need the scritch-scritch-scritch of pen on paper...

Which is ironic, because my world is a plethora of stories... I see the strangest things that most people miss. It's like the Universe is just quietly handing me material. If I would just look around and use it.

I was telling my friend about my afternoon today - and she was like 'there's a blog post!' and the light over my head flickered.

I was sitting outside watching the cars go by like I am wont to do - looking much like a lunatic in my own right: red einstein hair (I have a bad habit of pulling it every which way); Buddy Holly-esque eye glasses; hot pink fuzzy slippers; blue plaid capri pajama pants; black t-shirt; and a horrendous Oriental red kimono print robe; dragging a kitchen chair down the balcony to watch the cars. There's an image.

Rabbity Must Read: No Name Dufus

I have long been a fan of this blog, but this morning it gets a rowdy "HELL YEAH!" (Literally!!! I scared my roomate half to death!)  In his post today, he covers The Anitchrist, dipsticks, a dead child molester, and a moose killing mutant - AND The Muppets.  And hits the nail square on the head on all counts!  Don't miss it!

No Name Dufus

"I'm a Cynic"

More Nutty Goodness - The Balls Edition

Now, let me preface this by sayin' that I am in no way, shape or form a fan of Miss Piggy Deen.  She comes across to me as an obnoxious Yankee with a horribly fake accent masturbating her way to fame with a poorly executed gimmick.  Works my tits OFF.  In fact, when she got wonked in the snout with a flying, frozen ham I think I laughed so hard I shit out my own funny bone.  For your viewing hilarity (she was fine, btw.  Calm down.) here's the video:





That being said, my (unhealthy) obsession with peanut butter far outweighs some jackhole TV personality.  These things are to die for.  I know some of you (Ellie) are allergic to walnuts or pecans as am I.  I usually will just mix the confectioner's sugar with some cocoa powder and roll them in that.  You can also melt down some choclate bars and dip them in that - depending on just how big you want you butt to get for New Year's.

Anyway - without further ado - here is the recipe for

Miss Piggy Deen's Nutty Balls:

Ingredients:
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup honey
2 cups powdered milk
1 1/2 cups crushed cornflakes
1 1/2 cups finely chopped walnuts or pecans
1 cup powdered sugar

Directions:
Mix peanut butter, honey, and milk together in a large bowl to form very thick mixture. Roll mixture in small balls about the size of a walnut. Roll the balls in either the crushed cornflakes, finely chopped nuts, or powdered sugar. Place on waxed paper and refrigerate for 20 minutes.

p.s. A nifty trick for minimizing the mess when measuring PB - stick a cupcake/muffin paper thing or a piece of tin foil in your measuring cup before you cram it with the peanut butter.   Then you can just lift it out and scrape off the PB without getting into a cussing match with your measuring cup for withholding that last li'l bit.

Attention Mommie Bloggers!

Was looking through the job board at ProBlogger this morning and came across this that some of y'all might be interested in:

We’re looking for bloggers who don’t just write great posts but have their own established blog too. We’re currently looking for bloggers whose blog falls into ONE of the following categories:

-Parenting Blog
For Example: If your blog focuses around parenting topics only such as parenting advice and parenting experiences, bringing up children.


We’d like you to write well written articles on your own blog based around a topic set by us. The article must contain one ‘follow’ link to a URL using the anchor text as specified by us and be between 300-400 words long and remain on your blog permanently.

The payment will vary depending on the popularity and strength of your blog. However, there is the potential to earn between $10 and $20 per post. We prefer self hosted blogs which have been live for 6 months or more and which have some page rank and back links.

More information and how to apply here.  I know a lot of you have really outstanding blogs and thought, since you're doing it anyway this would be a great way to supplement y'all's income!

Check it out!