WTF Friday: Marriage

"WTF Friday might be one long bitch session or rant, could be a break down of several annoyances that have accumulated all week or an injustice or rip off.  Like the idea?  Then grab the WTF on the left (or here),  join in and let the bitching begin!"

Carrying on Deb (the original WTFer) at Menopausal New Mom's brilliance for a Friday theme, I give you this week's WTF Friday...

Fair warning - this one got me hot under the collar.

F-Bombs to commence shortly - and in abundance.

I won't say much more than this because you'll never get me off the fucking soap box - but if the fucking Golden Girls were able to figure this shit out twenty some odd years ago WTF is wrong with the rest of this damned country today???

And to badly paraphrase Portia DeRossi on The View - Yes, "marriage" is "just a word" but in light of that - shouldn't WE as a people - WE THE PEOPLE - have the same fucking rights to choose to employ said word as every other heterosexual, adulterous, baby-spewing, potential-divorcee in the country???

Sanctity of marriage my young queer ass.  What a crock of shit.  I know far more same-sex couple that have a far more sanctified relationship that 99.9% of the breeders I know....

Or does that "right" only apply depending on whom you agree with and where you lick it, stick it, and shove it???

WHAT THE FUCK?

Peanut Buttery Grubbery

I totally forgot about these until this morning when I went rummaging for something sweet.  I am a total peanut butter addict.  I eat it with a spoon - straight out of the jar - drizzled with honey...  So these cookies are a big ol' wet dream of bakery goodness.  And they are so easy they will make you slap your mama.

Ingredients:  One cup plaino Sugar (or half cup of plain and half cup of brown); One cup Peanut Butter (nutty or plain, your choice); One egg.

Yep.  That's it.  Todo.  Done.  Finished. 

Mix it all together until smooth.  Blob little one inchish balls onto an ungreased cookie sheet, smoosh 'em flat  and bake in a preheated 350 degree over for about 10 - 15 minutes - or until the edges brown.  Viola!  A dozen cookies just like that.

You can also add junk to them - these are GUHH-REAT with chocolate chips.  Very reeese's cuppy.

Aren't ya hungry now?  Go try them!!!  You won't regret it.  (Mine are in the oven as we blog!!!)

Get Your Grub On!

I know many of you like to bake and cook as much as I do.  These things are SOOOO addiciting.  Give 'em a whirl.  You'll fall in loves!!!

Pass around a tray full of these to your company (or co-workers) on Winter Solstice Eve or Christmas or Happy Thursday Night - or whatever you celebrate.

~Solstice Snowballs~

Ingredients: 1 cup butter (no substitutes),softened; 1/2 cup powdered sugar, 2 cups all-purpose flour, 1 cup ground walnuts, 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup powdered sugar (set aside to roll the baked cookies in).

Preparation: Preheat oven to 400*F. Cream butter, sugar and vanilla extract on high speed until fluffy. Add flour, walnuts & salt. Mix until well combined; roll the dough into small,1-inch balls and place on an ungreased cookie sheet (I line mine with parchment paper). Bake at 400*F for ten minutes. Remove cookies from the pan and roll in the powdered sugar,while still warm.

Recipe yields about 48 cookies.

Tip: a few days before you plan to make them,put the powdered sugar in a tightly closed container together with a whole vanilla bean.The vanilla bean will impart its flavourful essence to the sugar and can then be used in recipes or as a garnish.

[Source]

Snark on this, Santa!

Someone somewhere posted/created/blogged this and then posted it on one of my socially awkward networks - and bodily threatened that were I to be a Scrooge McDick and not pass it along, rabie infested reindeers would fly up my tah-tah (I don't even know what a tah-tah is) and do great heaving damage to my innards whilst chanting the chorus to 'Jerimiah was a Bullfrog."  So, in fear of the wrath of rectum ravaging rabid reindeer, here goes:

What is your favorite Christmas movie?
Now hold onto to your bloomer because this will probably shock the poop right outta your pooter, but I really love It's a Wonderful Life.  Gets me everytime!!!

What is your LEAST favorite Christmas movie?
Pick one - any one - on that damn Lifetime (Not really a) Movie Network.  Hot tranny on a Tricuit they make some kuh-rap on that channel, don't them.  The Three-Legged Dog in Tinsel Who Ate the Ass Raping Christmas Bandit and Saved the Day for all the Limbless Blind Children on Christmas Morn.  WTF?  Just stop.

What is your favorite Christmas song?
I'lla Hava Uh Bluuuuuua Christmasa without Chew...  (Sorry, I love Elvis...) Or that one that Bon Jovi did awhilago where his ass looked so good in the video with that model chick with the growth on her lip...  What was it?  Please come home for Christmas and cut this thing off my face?

What Christmas song(s) drives you crazy?
Anything by those damned Chipmunks.  Singing vermin?  Not so much.  All I want for Christmas is not to get rabies. Where's the Orkin dude?

What is your favorite Christmas drink? (i.e. egg nog, hot chocolate)
Homemade Hot Cocoa, I guess.  I dunno.  But you really do not want to imbibe this bunny.  It gets not so cute.

What is your favorite Christmas memory?
My first Christmas with my ex-husband was a hoot.  He had grown up in state care and had never had a tree or stockings or any of that stuff... I hid EVERYthing until Christmas Eve and set it all up after he'd gone to bed.  We lived in an old, old house and the only heat was in the front room so he woke up to a fully decked out Drag Queen Christmas.  Was like watching a little kid.  Then the cat did her flying squirrel routine RIGHT INTO THE TREE and knocked the whole thing over on top of us...  Haven't laughed THAT hard in a long while...

What is the best toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
I was homeless the year I was 15, and staying in a laundromat to keep warm.  It was hella cold that year.  And some gal came in, her name was Natalie, and we got to talking.  She took me back to her home - a total stranger - and I spent that Christmas Eve with her and her family.  It touched me so deeply and has stayed with me always.

What is the worst toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
I got a leopard print, cow shaped (with udders) coffee mug one year.  I actually am rather fond of it and do seem to recall squealing in unadulterated and tasteless joy when I received it - but is sure is a big ol' honkin' wad of tacky (which is probably why I love it - only sparkles could make it betterer).

What do you LOVE about the holidays?
There is not much I don't love about the holidays.  I am one of those people.  I do not care for the Holiday Edition People of Wal-Mart though - that is a whole lot of hateful WTF and put yo' damn teef in yo' face.

What annoys you about the holidays?
Annoys?  Not much.  Freaks me the fuck out?  Grown ass men in red velvet disguise coercing the random small child to sit on their lap and whisper in his ear.  You keep your damned fur trimmed goodie sack away from my little Timmy's toy caboose - you scary ass bearded dude!!!

"Mr. Manson, it's time to go back to your cell now..."

Do you prefer star or angel on top of a Christmas tree? Or something else?
I usually put a stocking cap on my.  What if the poor tree's noggin' gets cold sitting there blinkin' and sparklin' all month??? Poor thing.

What is your family favorite recipe at Christmas?
Mimi's Smokin' Puddin'!!!  Really more for the memory now than the munchery - but I do loves me some smokin' puddin'!

Are you a Grinch or a Who at Christmastime?
I am a Hooey Grinch!  But I don't Grinch much, really.  The Grinchity ones usually tell me to shove it up my hooter before it's all said and done.

Christmas light displays - Love them or Hate them?
Love love love.  I am a retired Drag Queen, c'mon now.  Like you have to ask.  Hell I think I have WORN Christmas lights at one point (or twenty).  "If you wanna make it, twinkle while ya shake it!"  (Name THAT tune!)

Santas at the mall - Fun times or Creepy?
Lordes, Jesus, Marie and Jose.  It think I covered this one already.

Christmas cards - do you send them, yes or no?
I usually make my own and send them.  But being a broke ass Ho (Ho Ho) with no room at my inn and the governmentally postal bastards butt poking you and wanting to get licked at fitty cents a pop - all you get from me this year is a "Yo Ho!  Make it happy!"

What is the best thing about Christmas, in your opinion?
I love that at least for a little while each year (most) everyone takes the giant peppermint stick out of their ass and treats each other just a little bit nicer, smile just a little bit more, and hugs their Mamas. 

What is the worst thing about Christmas?
Oh let's not. Shall we?  Can't we just have bests?  I think so.  Worsts give me gas and make me say "fuck" and "shit" and "well, damn it" a lot.

When do you put the tree up and take it down?
I would put it up on my birthday if I could (in June!!!) and decorate it hot pink and orange until after Maim, Slaughter & Eat Day - but people get annoyed with me and my decorations.  (I hung decapitated doll heads with Indian headdresses on it one year to make a point.  People were pointedly offended.)  Then I would deck it out for Christmas.  I never take it down until after Epiphany at the very earliest, though.

Out of the 12 Days of Christmas, which day and item would you want your true love to give to you?
I'll take an order of 11 Pipers Piping - but only if they're cute - and well versed in their pipery!

Why do you think that Grandma got run over by a reindeer?
It was a conspiracy.  That creepy ass perv in the red suit and plastic beard from the mall shoved her into oncoming traffic because she taught her kids to "just say NO!" (and kick 'im in the nads!)

Who is your favorite reindeer?
The snarky one with the bad teeth and twisted sense of humour?  Oh wait, am I a reindeer???

Do you believe in Santa Claus?
As long as I can yank on his beard to verify his authenticity!

What is your favorite smell at Christmastime?
Anything other than ball sweat in pantyhose??? 

What would make you happy at Christmas this year?
Peace, love and hair grease!  And Ally McBeal.

Okie dokie... 

Well, that was fun. 

Now that you have read, you have to do - or I am sending those frothy mouthed ass reindeer your way. 

You better watch out.  I know when you are sleeping. 

And I don't even have to wear the creepy red disguise!

Letting it Be

 One of the best Beattles songs ever. I am so there. With my own riots and wars and heartbreaks. It's time that I, too, just learn to Let it Be - though it is proving to be much easier a task said, than a task done...

Used to be... Okay?

I'm tired.  Of the brokeness.  Sometime in my 30s I fell apart.  I used to be made of rubber - bouncing from one grand adventure to the next.  Then the cracks came.  Sometime in the nights - quiet like thieves and those tale-tell wrinkles around your eyes. 

And I broke. 

Fell to bits and a thousand pieces.  Splattered legos droped from a rooftop in a rainbow of carnage.

I don't want you to heal me.

Fix me.

Save me.

Just give me some crazy glue and hope.

And a fucking band-aid.

Okay?

Now THAT'S decorating!!!

Received from my sister via email.  Not sure where it originates from - but it's a riot!

"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.


First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.


Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."

Rabbity Must Read: My Soul is a Butterfly

Wow.  Just wow.  I don't even know what more to say other than you must read this one...

Stunning.  Here's a snippet:

I used to want to save the world alone like Superman. But now I just want to smile at no one. Now I just want to type words into vacuums, breathe deeply and sip and stare and sigh.

My Soul is a Butterfly

"Alone vs. Lonely"

Stuck between a Rock... And a Rock.

I've been very conscious lately of the energies in my life - good, bad, or indifferent.  The idea that what you surround yourself with becomes your surrounding force.  Problem being there is a lot of negative surrounding me, and I just really am not enough of an asshole to tell them to bugger off (yet).  I've got this "buddy" - and in the course of less than a year he has managed to have major catastrophes with danged near everyone in his life.  Not just little tiffs, but not speaking to one another-slash-'you're dead to me' all out wars.  I've been caught in the crossfire for much of this.  I always seem to be the one that they all run to to bitch and moan.  Which is fine, I guess.  I am a good listener and would much rather be the peace keeper if I can at all help it.  I hate all that bickering and acting a damn fool.  Makes me a nervous wreck.

But, the problem now is, it's my turn to be The Antichrist.  I am the one now suffering the ire.  I've been deleted.  I have been unfollowed.  I have been ignored.  And I feel like the jerk when I've not really done anything deserving of all this.

In stepping back and attempting to look at the whole situation objectively - should I feel poorly?  If this person is constantly having problems with EVERYONE in their life...  Is constantly at war with someone...  Is constantly imbibed in some buulshittery and self-induced drama...  There is always cauldron chock-full of shit being stirred...  There is always someone upset...

Why do I care?

I know if I just let it run its course the wrath will shift and someone else will be in the doghouse...

But is it really worth it?

At what point do you wash your hands clean of it all and just walk away???

Or do you?

Or do you keep on keepin' on because, ultimately, you know it's worth it?

Remembering John

John Winston Ono Lennon

October 9th, 1940 ~ December 8th, 1980

So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong

And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight

War is over over
If you want it
War is over
Now...

Happy Xmas (War Is Over) - Joh...