Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Just Remember...

I am the one...

...that washes the knives.

Random Geekery for Personal Reference

Blogger has several keyboard shortcuts you can use while editing posts. They definitely work in Internet Explorer 5.5+/Windows and the Mozilla family (1.6+ and Firefox 0.9+), and might work in other browsers. Here they are:
  • control + b = Bold
  • control + i = Italic
  • control + l = Blockquote (when in HTML-mode only)
  • control + z = Undo
  • control + y = Redo
  • control + shift + a = Link
  • control + shift + p = Preview
  • control + d = Save as Draft
  • control + p = Publish Post
  • control + s = Autosave and keep editing
If you use Google’s Blogger platform, head on to draft.blogger.com and you’ll find several new interesting features for your blog. Besides some minor updates and bug fixes, they are:

* Webmaster Tools Verification lets you automatically verify all your blogs on Google’s Webmaster Tools.
* Star ratings let you add a 0–5 star rating control to the bottom of your posts.
* Import / export of blogs; a very nice backup option which enables you to create a full backup of your blog which saves into a single XML file.
* Embedded comment form, with support for Google Account and OpenID authentication.
* New post editor, with drag-and-drop image placement and better HTML handling.

These features are still labeled as beta, so don’t be surprised if something goes wrong. Based on user feedback, Google will enable them for everyone when they’re bug-free.

Have You Seen Elias?

It's been more than a week since Elias went missing now.

Just thought I would put this out there on here with the idea that maybe some of y'all out that way might know something.

Below is the series of announcements and updates as I have them so far.

Thanks y'all

Via Facebook

Apparently one of our friends has gone missing. Here is a note from Minx Larsen about what is going on with Elias:

... he went up to Northern California for a few meetings and has not returned to LA. He was last seen Monday evening 7/20/09 around 8 pm in Oakland.

A text was received to my dear friend Andrea (his good friend and business partner) on Monday night at 10 pm that he would be arriving back to LA around 4 am, Tuesday morning. He has not been heard of since.

We have now found out that someone has tried to cash a falsified check (he carries his check book on him at all times) and tried to use his credit cards.

If you have any information, if you've seen him, anything at all. Please email me at minx006.9@gmail.com or call me 323-314-7200. Although, I'm happy for your best thoughts and well wishes please do not bombard my email or phone. I need relevant information at this time. I know all of your hearts are with us at this time.

Please post this to your facebook. Even if you do or don't know Elias.

We have filled a missing person and have a private investigator, we are looking for answers and need your help.

With all my heart,

Via BURNCast

Missing Burner Update: Elias Sorokin

As seen on Facebook, this is a prayer request on behalf of Anna Oleynik, the mother of missing burner Elias Sorokin, a 29 years old, last seen in Oakland. May have been in Santa Cruz, CA as of 7/20/09. Please forward.

To all who love Elias,

Elias mother here. Among Elias' friends are a few people who have contacted psychics about Elias and several of them are giving me reason to hope that Elias is alive - but he is in danger. They think that he has been taken by some people, probably two men and a woman, and that they are in over their heads, are unstable and irrational, and do not know what to do at this point.

One of these psychics - and I was assured she had not been given this information - said that Elias has three women's names on his mind. Those names are Anna, Marie and Nina. Those are me and his two sisters. If this psychic could see this, it gives me a lot of hope.

There is a woman who lives in that area who was caught trying to cash a check of Elias' and the bank caught her name but she got away.

I am asking everyone, PLEASE, send thoughts of love and forgiveness to these people, that their negative energy may dissolve and they may see a way out and listen to their conscience and not do anything rash.

It is very important to gather yourselves, and find your deepest wisdom for this. It is counterintuitive - but do not send anger their way. Send love, send calm, and send forgiveness.

And to Elias, send loving support.

Thank you very much. We all love Elias.


We still, as of today (7/26/09), do not know his whereabouts. We hope that he is alive and well, but no one has heard from him, and we know that someone (after he went missing) attempted to make a purchase with his credit card and someone else (maybe same person) also tried to cash a check from his account. If you have seen Elias or have any information that will help us find him please let us know.

Thank you.

Via Santa Cruz Sentinel

WATSONVILLE - Local police are helping in the search for a missing Los Angeles man after people twice tried to use one of his credit card and cash a check in the county.

Elias Sorokin, 29, hasn't been seen since he left Oakland around 8 p.m. on July 20. Two hours later, he sent a text message to a friend that said he would be home around 4 a.m., according to reports from Sorokin's friends and family on a blog devoted to the Burning Man Festival.

That was the last anyone has heard from Sorokin.

Police said foul play is possible.

"It's obvious that we're concerned that this person has been missing since the 20th," Watsonville police Sgt. Terry Traub said.

The missing-person investigation became connected to Santa Cruz late last week after someone tried to cash one of Sorokin's checks at the Bank of America on River Street in Santa Cruz, according to Santa Cruz police Capt. Steve Clark.

Thursday, a man and woman tried to use Sorokin's credit card to purchase items at the Target store in Watsonville. They were unsuccessful, but got away before police were notified.

Using video surveillance, investigators confirmed the man with the credit card was not Sorokin, according to Traub.

Although local police are looking into the cases of possible credit card and check fraud, the initial missing person case was filed with Oakland police, then was shifted to the Los Angeles Police Department because Sorokin lives in that city, Traub said.

It's unclear how Sorokin's personal items would have ended up in Santa Cruz County. Traub said Sorokin has a friend in the area and mentioned visiting, but also told friends he was on his way back to Los Angeles. Local law enforcement was notified Monday to be on the lookout for Sorokin and his pickup.

Word of Sorokin's disappearance and pleas for help has been posted on many Web sites about Burning Man, an annual art event and temporary community in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada.

"We hope that he is alive and well, but no one has heard from him," read one blog posted Sunday.

During his disappearance, Sorokin has missed business meetings, which is out of character, according to authorities. His truck - a 2007 beige/gold Toyota Tacoma with a matching Are-brand camper shell and California license plate number 8H92932 - also hasn't been located.

"It's definitely suspicion to us and that's why we're working so hard on the fraudulent use of the credit cards," Traub said. "I'm hoping some time the family will call us and say 'Oh yeah everything's good' and all we have is a lost wallet."

Sorokin is 5 feet 9 inches tall, 150 ponds with brown hair. Police ask that anyone with information about him contact the Watsonville Police Department at 768-3300.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Just give it up, Heather...

Miss Thang done lost her damned mind. This is just embarrassing. Someone needs to tell her to go sit in a corner and hush. Bless her heart...

"Clad in a navy jacket with hot-pink piping, his toenails painted orange, Isaac Mizrahi embarked on his latest project: cheesecake design. Furiously sketching a tartan-plaid version for Christmas, Mr. Mizrahi suggested “a chocolate-crumb moment” to add some crunch and asked for the cheesecake to be “enrobed” in white chocolate dyed red, with green and navy plaid stripes.

“In spring, we will do a polka dot, obviously,” he said.

Isaac Mizrahi tastes some cheesecakes for inspiration to create his own; food is just part of his planned line-up for QVC. ‘Finally, I can design petits fours,’ he said.
In December, Mr. Mizrahi will be selling those cheesecakes—along with his designs for everything from potpourri to furniture—on a new program on QVC airing eight hours a month to start, the company says. The show, called “Isaac Mizrahi Live!,” will be a significant departure from the standard sell of cable shopping channels. Part pitch, part reality television, it will follow Mr. Mizrahi around as he pitches items like a $200 handbag or $80 shoes while he engages in his other activities, riffs extemporaneously about his life and takes questions from callers.
QVC is erecting an expensive set within Mr. Mizrahi’s New York studio that can capture his day-to-day life in high-definition video, a first for the network. “Once in a while you make a calculated bet,” says Mike George, president and chief executive of the Liberty Media unit. QVC, which reported a 10% drop in first-quarter sales to $1.6 billion, says it aims to turn Mr. Mizrahi into one of its top five brands, like Philosophy or Bare Escentuals—brands the network says garner more than $100 million in annual sales apiece. Mr. Mizrahi will receive a percentage of sales as part of the arrangement."
Christ humping a Cheeto. This poor thing will do whatever she can to stay "current" and make a coin. We all gotta pay rent, I guess, but this is just sad. I don't think Miss Rawhee ever recovered from that disastrous collection of hers back in 1993. It done fucked up her melon. So go on, Heather... Party on. Have your chocolate crumb moments with your obviously enrobed snacks. Polka dots and all. I think I will pass. Jumbled melted goo designed by a hasn't-been-in-a-long-time is the last thing I want in my mailbox. Thanks, though.

I guess it really is fitting when you think about - who else but Heather could sell cakes of cheese?

And on QVC no less.


Rabbit Tales: Giving Thanks (Away)

Last thanksgiving, my mother, who can't cook to save her life (Bless her Heart) decided she was going to make the turkey. My sister called me almost in tears in a total freak out hysterical panic to inform me of this. (I already had another turkey that I was cooking so it really was not THAT big of a deal.)

I told Belle not to wet herself as I was still making my turkey. All was (relatively) well. Well Mimi (mom) found out I was still making the turkey and refused to speak to ANY of us. We had to keep chasing our eyes down the street as they kept rolling out of our heads - but with Mimi this is not all that unusual. She's a little "Miss Scarlet!! Miss Scarlet!!" melodramatic.

Anyway, turkey day comes and we're having the festivities at Belle's house. Mimi is protestingly late so we all can noticed her extreme displeasure in her lack of culinary talent. She finally shows up about an hour late with much fanfare with her four little rat-sized dogs (tea cup Maltese) in tow (creating said fanfare).

We've already got the table set and so on - but Mimi yanks the centerpiece off the table and sets it on the floor and proceeds to chunk down her GIANT ASS TURKEY - still covered mind you - right in the center of the table. I thought she'd gotten confused and cooked an entire calf instead and Bessie was out in the field lookin' for her baby. How Mimi carried the son of a bitch I will never know.

With a drag queen's flourish she yanks the cover off to reveal the blackest mother fuckin' turkey you have ever seen in your life. And, honey, it wasn't seasoning that made that sucker black. It was the good old fashioned fires of hell that burnt that poor bird to oblivion. Needless to say, eyes bugged out as we tried to silently figure out how the hell we were gonna get around this one. Silently, that is, except for my damned baby brother. James David lost it. HYSterics. Snorting, farting, crying, knee slapping hysterics.

Then Mimi lost it and let him have it with a string of expletives that would make a Sailor's asshole pucker. At which point all hell broke loose - my other sister joined in the roaring laughter with James David - Belle started bawling - the dogs are going apeshit - my twin nephews at this point are hiding UNDER the table (smart guys, those two).

Mimi then proceeds to rip the turkey out the pan with her bare hands - kicks the back door open, shattering the window in the process - and HURLS the turkey into the back yard.

Where it LANDS on one of her rat dogs...

And knocks the dog the fuck out.

We (Mimi and I) ended up spending the rest of thanksgiving at the vet's office with an unconscious wad of fur.

Gotta love crazy southern families.

And yes, the damn dog was fine.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Only the nose knows!

I about crapped my diaper I was laughing so hard.

Even I couldn't make this shit up (and I didn't)!!!

Via Awful Plastic Surgery

C'mon now - I can keep my wig on, my titties in place and my yahoo-dilly hidden all while wrecking a Pink song and molesting the audience to the point they run out the door, pick up the pipe and end up in Whitney Houston's Crack Head rehab. My shit don't go NOwhere...

So how the fuck do you not keep up wit' yo face for the love of coochie?

Stick that shit on. Crazy glue. Staple gun. Duct tape. Hell. Tack that shit DOWN!

You know that coroner stole the damn thing and is gonna jazz it up and turn it into jewelry to sell it on Etsy. That's the true story...

Oh my aching gut!!!! I think I sharted!!!

MJ was NEVER this entertaining alive. Who else can we knock off?

"Apparently, Michael Jackson’s prosthetic nose is missing. Once considered an urban legend, there are actually witnesses who saw his body in the coroner’s office saying the his face had no nose and in its place was a hole surrounded by bits of jagged cartilage. What happened to Michael’s nose? Did infection eat away his nose or did it collapse from too many plastic surgeries as many have claimed? Was it knocked off by vigorous CPR? Had he gone to sleep without it?"

Monday, July 20, 2009

Please remove your weiner from my deck.

This had me in hysterics. Yeah, I went there.

MOUNT PLEASANT, Wis. – "One southern Wisconsin homeowner is probably not in love with the Oscar Mayer wiener. The famed hot dog's Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee.
Police said the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.

No one was home and no one was injured. No citations were immediately issued.

Both the home and vehicle suffered moderate damage, which Oscar Mayer spokeswoman Sydney Lindner says insurance will cover.

Police hadn't been able to speak to the homeowner as of early Friday evening."

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Creepy Ass Country Songs

[x-posted from Dazed & Contused]

Good ol' Jack Daniels seems to be better than acid.

Don Williams' "You're My Best Friend"

"You're my bread when I'm hungry..."

WTF?!?!? Is this Hannibal Lecter's mother fuckin' theme song???

And one of my favourites: Dolly's "Me & Little Andy."

Just fuckin' bizarro. Dead children... Dead dogs... And that creepy ass voice! Love this one. I used to do it in my drag shows. Use your imagination. It was even weirder than the song itself...

Daze performing "Me & Little Andy."

Friday, July 17, 2009


Michael Jackson is STILL dead.

Can we please move on and return to life as normal?

(Thanks, Joe!)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Not Friendly...

For some reason, I get the impression that they weren't there to make friends...

Michael Stipe

Has his career really come to this???

"Openly gay R.E.M frontman Michael Stipe had some revealing photos uploaded to guyswithiphones.com (a Web site that features shirtless and nude men in photos taken with iPhones) on the 4th of July. In the series of iPhone-shot snaps, he, along with boyfriend actor Thomas Dozol (who looks like he’s the “mystery” guy who snapped the crack of his ass) and some random guy are all seen shirtless in the same bathroom. Stipe is in impressive shape for a 49-year-old. I hope I look that good at that age and get to bang skinny, young hipsters too."