Friday, October 16, 2009

How not to write a recipe...

This was a submission I received a while back while compiling ideas for my recipe book.  I wonder if anyone told him it's not wise to smoke your shoes...  [Bracketed text is my responses.]

Apple Cookies
1 pkg of refrigerated sugar cookie dough (20 oz)
1 granny smith apple

Preheat oven to 350* Put sugar cookie dough in freezer for 1 hour. Remove wrapping from the dough. 
[Thanks! I would have never thought to remove the package. So often I love to chew on plastic!!!]
Cut into 22 thing slices.  
[I'm not sure what a thing slice is, but I'll give it a whirl!]
Arrange the slices in a circle  
[Why ??? Because it's pretty?]
about 1/2" from the edge of your pan (or baking stone if you have one). Slices should touch each other.  
[Because everyone needs to be touched.]
Make another row of slices inside the first leaving the center open. Peel, core and slice the apple and then cute the rings in half.  
[Yes!!! Because we can't have ugly rings! Damn it! Cute those fuckers! Now!]
Arrange slices in two circles on dough pressing the ends in slightly. Combine ingredients for topping and sprinkle over the dough.  
[Topping? Did I miss the topping? Where the fuck's my topping? My unwrapped cute rings are nekkid!!!]
Bake for 25 minutes or until lightly browned.  
[Don't want pasty cookies.]
Immediately loosen from the pan and allow to cool for 10 minutes before serving.