I don't know if it is an un(sub?)conscious-on-purpose thing, or if it is my (less than) stellar personality lately - but I am beginning to look around the room and realize that it is dang near empty... I seem to have run everyone off... Or they are putting on their sneakers as we speak.I've been dealing with a lot of negativity lately. It seems when the year changed, something in my Universe shifted and all the guards I had up got drunk and fell down on their fat asses. Things that I used to be impervious to began to attack. I began absorbing all the yuck and bullshit around me. It bothers me more now, and I don't know what to do to stop it. I think, in turn, I am flinging it all back out into the world like a shit slinging monkey and it's alienating EVERYone - myself included. Not that I can truly blame anyone - who wants to get pelted with spiritual monkey shit???
I notice it most on the BLG network. My core group from when it all began has vanished. A lot of my regulars are not posting. I have an amazing (new) core group now that post regularly and are more than a lot of fun to interact with - I only hope they stick around and don't run away like everyone else seems to have done. I don't know though, if it is soley my doing or the fact that Ning seems to be on some seriously bad drugs of late too though. It's like Kurt Cobain on a bender around there some days. Who knows...
All I do know is that I have got to get a handle on whatever it is that is going on behind the scenes (in life, in general) before I snap like the Rabbit of Caerbannog and start ripping out throats. Employment would be nice so I would have a steady income. This hit and miss crap is wearing and not all that conducive to things like rent and bills. And then there's Chunk. She is about to drive me completely nutters. Talk about negative energy (and foul odors - one really shouldn't have to wear a gas mask in their own living room). A move is in order this year (Run AWAY!!!!) - it's just a matter of getting to that point where that is possible.
So - if I have unduly ripped your throat out or bitten your head off, I apologize. (If you deserved it, however, too damn bad - and I don't even have any cheese for your whine - I ate it all.) I am just dealing with a lot of shit lately - and not doing very well at it.
