A word for the wise from the not very: Be really fuckin' careful what you ask for. You might get it. Last week I was wrappin' up projects and hoping for new ones, and I thought to myself, I would love something a little challenging for whatever my next project is to be. Well... The Universe, undoubtedly, heard me - and has the fucked up sense of humour of a drunken drag queen on Show Me Your Shit night. And it vomited Bob - dripping with last nights corn, bile, and misdirected fecal matter - into my lap. Thaaanks... Didn't like those britches anyway.
Now those of you that I have worked for know that I can generally turn something around - especially Blogger designs - in about 24 to 48 hours. No problems. I am on a week with this holy, fuckin' nightmare. I am so over it that I have done come back up around the other side. Suffice to say that if I would have charged what is listed in the Rabbity Things™ pricing information I would be at more than five-hundred bucks in just revisions alone - and revisions only run $15 each. Tell you anything? And that's not including the reinstalls I have had to do... I won't even tell you how many emails were involved. I received less than the cost of two blogs for this one. Fuckin' crack head insanity.
Now I am really not bitching unceremoniously. I worked in the newspaper industry for a decade. I've written obits. I've written wedding announcement. (And you've never known hair pulling hell until you have written a full-page, full-colour wedding announcement for a Waco bride, believe me.) I have built ads, and copy, and websites for dang near every print advertising business in Central Texas at one point or another... But Good Gay God in Greenwich Village Hell - I have never had a job like this... Ever. And underpaid to boot. Even with the "tip" and "asshole tax" it doesn't even equal what two jobs would have cost - much less even come close to touching all the work that has gone into dry humping this piece of shit into flight. AND he got shit for free, to boot... That boot really needs to find an ass at this point. It really has made me wonder why I came back to this field - but then on the complete and total flip side I remember all the freakin' amazing and totally Raisin Bran Crunch* bloggers I have worked with in the last few months, and it really is worth it.
Sometimes when frolicking in the meadow, you step in cow shit. And, dog suck it, this time I wasn't wearing shoes. It's all part of the territory, I guess.
He likes to faincy himself intelligent enough to go in and add and remove (and move) shit, so it keeps going haywire because he, actually and in fact, has no clue what he's doing and it blows the style sheet. But it's done. The final email (from me) indicated that I would recommend that he talk to someone who actually knows what they are doing and does not have their head so far up their own asshole that they are peering at the monitor through their belly button before altering the code. Bob had moved and placed random jackassery about the blog prior to my design - BUT, Bob's Blog was nothing more than a blank template in which he had changed the background colour. One would think that, logic prevailing, adding a style sheet would, in fact, alter the makeup of the template.... One would think. But no, assclownin' away went he and the whole thing went to Fuckupland.... And therein lies the problem.
And the real rub? I get nothing out of this. I took all my logos or any reference to the design OFF. I want no part of or association with this damned thing. Because you know it's gonna end up all jacked to Jesus at some point in the future and I don't want the reflection on a business and a reputation that I have busted my ass raw without lube to create and maintain. Did I say this is bullshit, yet?
So, to surmise: be careful what you fuckin' ask for... Or at least be specific. This was NOT what I had in mind when I hoped for a challenge. My time - and my work - is more valuable than this shit.
Yeah, it's like that.
p.s. And, for the record, I never ONCE lost my cool with this jackhole. He never incurred the Wrath of Rabbit - which is saying something. No fuckmonkeys were harmed in the creation of this blog - though I think it was warranted and the judge would have dismissed the case and bought me a beer if they had. And I have the 50 emails to prove it.
*Raisin Bran Crunch = A Whole Box of Awesome
