Whoa Nellie! 'Fore you go all dog slappin' crazy on your coffee cup, lemme tell ya sumthin'. "Beating your mug" does not mean assaulting yo' dishery. No, not at all. Picture an ol' South'n gal puttin' her face on. 'Member Coty Loose Powder with the big poof? Beatin' your mug if slappin' some unscary on your face.
I have a dear friend with whom I have been talkin' that has decided to become a Queen. Yes, Dazey Mayhem has spawned another one. Lawd he'p us. (You know I love you, Boo.)
Anyway, she was askin' me for tips and tricks to uncover her girl the other day and asked me to write all this shit down. Now my lazy ass will blog it, but I aint writing a how-to-be-a-ho list for this trick. So you all win. Having been a make-up artist off and on for years now, I know lotsa shit.
- Though I love me some Smashbox Primer - you can get the same stuff at Woolworth's for about six bucks. It's Vagisil Anti-Chafing Gel. NO! Not cooter creme! Put that down. The stuff made for when your chub rubs together and gives you the diaper rash of an unloved baby. That stuff. Read the box. Aint got nuthin' to do with your cho-cha. Chafing gel. Trust. Your makeup will never look better. Put it on after moisturizer and before your spackle.
- Speaking of spackle, Liquid Foundation is NOT lotion, dude. Chill the fuck out. The more you smear on the worse you look. Put a blob of it on the back of your hand and use a makeup sponge to stipple (blot) it on. Don't smear it on. Blotting it on you get better coverage and no streaks. Putting it on your hand warms it up a bit, too, for better application. You'll use a snotload less too - and end up with a more even complexion that looks as natural as painting ass coloured goo on your face can get.
- Take all those fuckin' sponge applicator things that come with your makeup - pee on them and burn them. They are evil. Go spend the buck fitty for some brushes. You will NEVER get a decent application from those satantic sponge things. Ever.
- For liquid to powder foundations, apply them with a brush. Find a rather dense, short bristled brush and blend it on with the brush. It doesn't clump up, streak and setttle in all the wrinkles between botox treatments. You'll trip over how much better it goes on - and again - covers when you are not treating your face like busted ass drywall and sloppin' it on with a trowel.
- Baby Formula Orajel Gel is THE BEST goop for tweezing eyebrows. Put it on and let it sit for a minute or so before tweezing or waxing. It's awesome. Do NOT use ice. Ice shrinks everything up and it actually makes it hurt worse when you stop ripping your fur out.
- What else, Preparation H is great for under eye poofiness and bags. It's not eternal - but it's great for a night out.
- Eyeshadow applied with a wet brush makes the best eyeliner ever. It doesn't smudge. It doesn't bleed. It doesn't go anywhere, actually.
- The biggest secret for wearing full face and not looking like a Bourbon Street Whore/Drag Queen/Hot Tranny Mess is BLEND. Blend. Blend. Again, brushes. You need brushes.
- One of the best make-up lines out there is Nyx Cosmetics - the stuff is Ahhhhh-mazing. It's MAC quality at Walgreen's prices. Blows me away.
- And don't waste your time with Kat Von D's makeup. The tatt concealer is nothing more than foundation and doesn't cover jack dribble. If you need that kind of coverage, go get some Dermanblend. That shit will cover up all your bad marriages and one-night stands. It's pricey, but well worth it.
- Oh! And the best facial scrub ever? Take your cream cleanser (Think Ponds or Noxema, etc) and mix a bloob of it with a spoonful of sugar. The sugar is softer than most OTC scrubs but abrasive enough to remove and the dead face. Just be sure to rinse really well. Cheap and easy.
I've tons more - but I am bored with this for now. Will post more laters.
p.s. and probably the most important, Covergirl does NOT cover boy. Don't even try it.
