1. Never in my life have I been: an Oompa Loompa, professionally.
2. The one person who can drive me nuts is: damn near everyone.
3. High school: In school, I was usually high.
4. When I’m nervous: I laugh inappropriately.
5. The last song I listened to was: "You Belong to Me" by Taylor Swift.
6. If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: would be looking at me like I had lost my God damned mind. But at least my gown is cute.
7. My hair is: a freak of nature.
8. When I was 5: I was a boy.
9. Last Christmas: I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away.
10. I should be..: Shouldn't we all?
11. When I look down I see: all that lies below me.
12. The happiest recent event was: winning a new fountain pen and a squirt load of ink for it.
13. If I were a character on 'Friends' I would be: in jail for stabbing Ross and Rachel in the face with a butter knife.
14. By this time next year: I will have ceased to exist as everyone now knows me.
15. My current gripe is: dumbfuckery - in general.
16. I have a hard time understanding:
17. There’s this girl I know that: smells like a dude. A big dude. That doesn't wash his balls.
18. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: the crazy man on the bus.
19. Take my advice: Wear sunscreen.
20. The thing I want to buy: isn't for sale.
21. If you visited the place I was born: you might be ill.
22. I plan to visit: the other side of the Looking Glass.
23. If you spent the night at my house: I would know you'd lost your damned mind.
24. I’d stop my wedding if: I was getting married.
25. The world could do without: giant bubbles of poo in Indiana.
26. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: change a diaper. Just sit in it, kid.
27. Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: glasses that make me look like Buddy Holly buttfucked an owl and barfed up a male version of Trelawny.
28. Most recent thing someone else bought me: chocolate.
29. My favorite blonde is: myself. Like... OMG. Duh.
30. My favorite brunette is: now blonde.
31. My favorite red head is: learning to dance again.
32. My middle name is: between my first name and last name.
33. In the morning I: could be considered homicidal.
34. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: people. Fly away.
35. Once, at a bar: - and then twice. And probably a third time.
36. Last night I was: drew a cartoon of my friend Penny Lane rockin' out on the guitar.
37. There’s this guy I know who: smells better than this girl I know. He washes his nuts.
38. If I was an animal I’d be: a little less human.
39. A better name for me would be: Whutdefuk.
40. Tomorrow I am: one day closer to home.
41. Tonight I am: not going to kick any old women or steal their walkers.
42. My birthday is: annual.