Friday, February 26, 2010

Blogging without Givahootery [Redux]

[I never thought I'd say it, but thank goodness for Google Reader.  I wrote this post eariler in the week and for whatever reason, Blogger ate it, or it commited suicide, or it is the one that shit on the floor so it's hiding under the bed - I dunno.  It vanished.  But, fortunately, Reader caches everything, so it was still over there.  Yay!  (It might behoove you too to follow yourself in Reader in the event this happens to you too.  Blogger lately has been like a crackwhore on payday...)]
Did I miss the memo somewhere stating it was National I'm a Cunt Month?  People have just been giant globs of anal leakage lately.  That 'Contact' page I have up is beginning to be more trouble than it's worth.  It's too easy for internet jackholes to leave ugly remarks anonymously.  I have been called a "bitter old lady" - which I hate to tell 'em that my titties may be detachable but this is not a King Missle ditty swingin' in the breeze, sweetcheeks.  I have been told I am going to spontaneously combust during The Rapture because of all my tattoos - and here I thought it was because I liked to drop the soap.  It's just been ongoing lately...  Don't these people have porn or Bible Study or, fuck, Yo Gabba Gabba or something???  Leave me the hell alone.

And then, I just got amused.  The last one (tonight/this morning - it's dark, I dunno) told me that if I weren't so offensive I might get more followers.  Well, it's true that having beaucoup pen pals and 70 plus comments would make me happier than a ten inch dick.  But then I realized, I don't give a damn or a fuck or a shit or a horny cross-eyed hoot.  This is my blog.  Don't yell at me because you got in trouble at work for "browsing inappropriate web content."  There's a disclaimer on the front fucking paging tellin' yo' dumb ass I say FUCK too much you giant water balloon of douche.  Here's a novel concept:  get off the fucking internet and do your job...  You festering water buffalo freak.
And for the record, I don't give a flying fuck or a rolling rimjob what you or anyone else thinks of me. You're dismissed.
~ from the movie, Gypsy 83
Rambling.  I was going somewhere with this.  Damn tangents.

I decided I just don't care.  And we have all these willy nilly "Blogging with Integrity" and "Blogging for a Reason" and "Blogging for no Fucking Reason At All" and "Blogging without Obligation" and "Blogging because I am such a Skeeze no one IRL with talk to me."  So I am hereby and thusly creating my own:  "Blogging without Givahootery."  (It was Givafukkery, but I didn't think anyone would latch on to that one except me.)

"Blogging without Givahootery" is just that.  Blog.  And don't give a hoot what anyone thinks.  Don't give a hoot if Suzy Ho'Maker has 487 followers.  It's not like she keeps up with 90% of them.  It's a number that she masturbates with Disco Extra Greasay Short'nin to to make herself feel better.  One in a million.  Literally.  Don't give a hoot if Tara Diddle gets a bajillion comments a day because she's whoring herself on the corner of Desperation and Whine and paying people in hand jobs and Skittles.  Don't give a hoot if Mama Jim is offended or Two-Toof Tessie crapped herself because you said Fuck.  Fuck it.  Say fuck.  Don't give a hoot.  

It's your blog.  Own it.  Work it.  Sell it.  Slap it on the ass and call it Big Daddy if you want to.  I think we get caught up in the cliquery of it all sometimes - and don't kid yourself that this shit aint clique-ish.  It is and it's ugly.  I often times have felt invisible because of these bitches.  But I don't want to play their reindeer games anymore.  They all smell like a fat boy's unwashed and sweaty taint - and giant fur covered , self-glorifying, drooling asses just aint my thing.

I don't give a HOOT!!!  (Damn it!)  

If you want to devoid yourself of all the hootery, grab the button.  Whoever would like to have it is welcome to it.  Post it.  And blog your little nubby fingers off hoot freely.  I know I am.

Do you give a hoot?  Or is it all just hogwash?