Damn, I'm pretty!

Miss Britches gave me this award yesterday (Fankya!) and it was a great welcome back after being down for the count for almost a week.  The rules are as such:

Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.

Copy the award and paste it to your blog.

Tell us 7 interesting facts about you.

Yeah, I know - there's another stipulation about nominating 342 other bloggers, their west-facing pets, the lampost of 4th & Aubergine, the fat lady on the bus, the Squirrel fearing prima donna from the Post Office, and any Slavic great-grandmothers with cheese farts, but that's so much to do and you are all so gob-smacking gorgeous that I couldn't decide on whom to pay it forward to.  So if you would like to play, I hereby and such and so award you Purty.  Party on, Garth!

My seven oddities are:

1. I really do function in my own language. I never remember the proper words for things - movies in particular (Breakout Castle, Ocean Cracker, That One with Girl with the Jewelry - anyone?) so I just make up my own.  I do this with songs/artists:  Nellie Retardo, "I'm Like a Turd" ? And yes, I rewrite the entire song...  Inanimate objects:  That turner upper thingie.  People: Fred (for the longest time, years, EVERYone was Fred.  It was easier)...
2. I write whole dialogues and story lines for the most minute moments.  I got myself all worked up just last night over a Rice Krispie commercial that should have been innocuous enough, but I had written the back story to be that the mother/daughter were waiting up for the father to come home, not knowing that his plane had crashed and he was dead.  I was seriously crying over this at 3 a.m.
3. I would be perfectly content to never leave the house.  If I could make a living from within my rabbit's den and have things delivered, I would never venture out in public.  Ever.
4. I am very touch me not.  Both with my possessions - and my person.  Do. Not. Touch.  It drives me infuckingsane.
5. I don't trust anyone to clean properly.  Even if it is "clean," nine time out of ten, I will reclean it to make certain it IS in fact, clean.  Or at least clean enough for me.  Don't get me started on public restrooms or hotels.
6. If I were affixed with a limitless, disposable income, I would just have a spam key installed in the back of my head so that when my face starts to sag I can just krrink that shit back taut.  Granted I would eventually make Joan Rivers look like Shirley Temple as a child, but by golly goobers, I wouldn't be wrinkley!
7. I'm really not as neurotic as I sound.  Oh fuck!  Was that lightening???  (Good thing there's only 7 questions!!!)