Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A Month of Me: Day 8 (To quote Margaret Cho because I am melting down and have no words of my own today.)

"I am not nice. I am a fucking bitch. I have been known to shoplift. I complain all the time. I am unbearable and annoying...

I am possibly the most manipulative person you are likely to encounter. If you look in the dictionary under "selfish," you will see my name and a small artist's rendering of my face.

The people in my world who love me the most live in a kind of hell from which they cannot escape, because even though I am who I am, what I am, how horrible I am, my love is overwhelming. This terrible incarceration they choose willingly, and their suffering is compensated many times over.

I am ferociously mean and unbearably kind, and this paradox is what keeps my friends close and my enemies closer. I hate injustice, dishonesty, cowardice, greed, stupidity - but that doesn't stop me from committing all of these acts in one way or another. I am not nice. Not in the least."
Couldn't have said it better myself.  Today I am the whiney bitch I bitch about.  I feel trapped and on the verge of totally losing my shit - and just don't know what to do about it.  I'll figure it out, somehow, I know but today I am just wallowing in it.  So fuck it.  No dancing.