Ten for '10

I revisit this little questionaire a couple of times a year - usually on my birthday and then at the close/beginning of the year. It's fun to go back and see which answers have changed and which have remained the same. These are taken from Inside the Actor’s Studio with James Lipton, which he poses to each of his guests at the end of an interview. Lipton always gives credit for this list to French talk show host Bernard Pivot, who hosted Apostrophes from 1975–1990 and Bouillon de Culture from 1990–2001; he often mentions that the list originally came from French novelist Marcel Proust (1871–1922). Proust did not actually create the questionnaire that frequently has his name attached, though he did famously answer two versions of it (once at age 13, and a second time at age 20), and thereby gave the lists a certain notoriety. Their original author is unknown.

But anyway, below are the questions - and my answers.  I've included the Mr. Linky thing at the bottom so that everyone can participate and share their own answers.  Should be an entertaining start to the new year and the new decade.

The questions are:

1. What is your favorite word?
2. What is your least favorite word?
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
4. What turns you off?
5. What is your favorite curse word?
6. What sound or noise do you love?
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

And my answers:

Roots and Wings

"If I could wish you just two things:  To give you roots; To give you wings."

This must have been someone's wish for me in 2009.  I first recall that quote as a teenager from the tv show Designing Women.  Julia had passed it along to a little girl going forth on her own journey and it has stuck with me all these years.  2009 was a difficult year for me.  I began the year violently ill, and it just seemed to fan out from there.  I learned so much about myself.  Some good.  Some bad.  But more so than anything, I learned a lot about my own foundations.  I learned who I really had to depend on.  I learned some ugly truths about the people and energies in my life.  I learned some beautiful revelations about my own self.  I put down roots.  I began to stand tall.  I realized through trial and error that it really IS all about ME - and what I am capable of...  Not what pleases everyone else.  The mother's words from the book Joy Luck Club (by Amy Tan) echoed in my head all year:  "Do you know your worth?"  And I began to understand what that means. 

It was difficult.  But often times growing is.  I have a tattoo over my heart that symbolizes chaos - not for the melodramatic affect - but as a reminder that even that which is most beautiful must fight through the ugliest of circumstance to bloom.  The I-Ching relates the story of the Lotus blossom and how to grow and become the glory that it is destined to be, it must fight through it's hard shell and all the mud surrounding it to spring forth.  This has been my year.  There's been a lot of shell - and A LOT of mud and muck...

And in the midst of all that I felt something shifting.  Something changing.  Something growing.  I realized last week it was my wings.  I had, in the course of 2009, begun to grow wings.  I was becoming ready - and able - to fly.

2010 is a year of promise.  The end of an era.  The beginning of a new one.  A new decade.  A new start.  It's time.  I have always been afraid of heights.  I have always been afraid of falling.  I clung to my nest of brambles and negativity because, as bad as it was, there was a safety there.  A comfort in the uncomfortable.  As bad as it was, it was familiar and for me, then, that was okay.  I knew what to expect.  But at some point over this past year, I began peering over the edge of that nest high up on that cliff and I saw horizons and sunrises and new voyages waiting...  And I began flexing those newfound wings.  I am still flexing - but my days of soaring are now at hand...  I am ready to jump.  I am ready to give it all I've got.  No risk.  No glory.

“Sometimes the fall kills you. 

And sometimes...  

when you fall...

you fly.”

Here's to flying high in 2010.

Yeah? Well you stink like a sneaker, Pal!

Been kind of a shitty week...  Haven't felt like blogging and smearing the poo into the virtual rug, so I just haven't posted much of anything.

Am looking forward to the Blue Moon and the new year.  Good things to come.  Onward, upward, and forward.  I think this past decade has been enough mess to last a lifetime.  Nuthin' but net from here on out.

Post tomorrow on the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. 

Cheers.

I ♥ the Em Dash

Either my boredom — or my geekery — has reached new heights.  Am sitting here in the dark with an ice pack on my foot reading articles online about punctuation. 

Yes, I am that much of a nerd.  (I read the dictionary for fun...) 

But!  In case you are ever on Jeopardy, did you know:

The em dash (—), or m dash, m-rule, etc., often demarcates a parenthetical thought—like this one—or some similar interpolation.

It is also used to indicate that a sentence is unfinished because the speaker has been interrupted. For example, the em dash is used in the following way in Joseph Heller's Catch-22:

He was Cain, Ulysses, the Flying Dutchman; he was Lot in Sodom, Deirdre of the Sorrows, Sweeney in the nightingales among trees. He was the miracle ingredient Z-147. He was—
"Crazy!" Clevinger interrupted, shrieking. "That's what you are! Crazy!"
"—immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide superman."

Similarly, it can be used instead of an ellipsis to indicate aposiopesis, the rhetorical device by which a sentence is stopped short not because of interruption but because the speaker is too emotional to continue, such as Darth Vader's line "I sense something, a presence I have not felt since—" in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.

The term em dash derives from its defined width of one em, which is the length, expressed in points, by which font sizes are typically specified. Thus in 9-point type, an em is 9 points wide, while the em of 24-point type is 24 points wide, and so on. (By comparison, the en dash, with its 1-en width, is ½ em wide in most fonts.[9])

The em dash is used in much the way a colon or set of parentheses is used: it can show an abrupt change in thought or be used where a full stop (or "period") is too strong and a comma too weak. Em dashes are sometimes used in lists or definitions, but that is a style guide issue; a colon is often recommended for use instead.

According to most American sources (e.g., The Chicago Manual of Style) and to some British sources (e.g., The Oxford Guide to Style), an em dash should always be set closed (not surrounded by spaces). But the practice in some parts of the English-speaking world, also the style recommended by The New York Times Manual of Style and Usage (due to the narrow width of newspaper columns), sets it open (separates it from its surrounding words by using spaces  or hair spaces (U+200A)) when it is being used parenthetically. Some writers, finding the em dash unappealingly long, prefer to use an open-set en dash. This "space, en dash, space" sequence is also the predominant style in German and French typography. See En dash versus em dash below.

In Canada, The Canadian Style [A Guide to Writing and Editing], The Oxford Canadian of Grammar, Spelling & Punctuation, Guide to Canadian English Usage [Second Edition], Editing Canadian English Manual, and the Canadian Oxford Dictionary are all defined NO SPACE before after these Em Dash marks when they are inserted between words, a word and numeral, or two numerals.

Monospaced fonts (such as Courier) that mimic the look of a typewriter have the same width for all characters. Some of these fonts have em and en dashes which more or less fill the monospaced width they have available. For example, "- – — −" will show as a hyphen, en dash, em dash, and minus in a monospace font. Typewriters often only have a single hyphen glyph, so it is common to use two monospace hyphens strung together--like this--to serve as an em dash.

When an actual em dash is unavailable—as in the ASCII character set—a double ("--") or triple hyphen-minus ("---") is used. In Unicode, the em dash is U+2014 (decimal 8212). In HTML, one may use the numeric forms — or —; there is also the HTML entity —. In TeX, the em dash may normally be input as a triple hyphen-minus (---). On any Mac, most keyboard layouts map an em dash to Shift-Option-hyphen. On Microsoft Windows, an em dash may be entered as Alt+0151, where the digits are typed on the numeric keypad while holding the Alt key down. It can also be entered into Microsoft Office applications by using the Ctrl-Alt-hyphen combination.

Fascinating.  I love it!   And now you know!

HO!

May all your stockings be stuffed tonight.

Lawd Have Mercy! Get my handbasket ready!!!

We's all goin' to hell!

Homo?  ✔  - I ♥ that we made the top of the list!  (Wife Beater?  Is that the shirt?  Or the Chris Brown?)  New Ager?  ✔  Environmentalist?  ✔  (PKs?  Really?  Why?)  Effeminate Man?  ✔  - Grab that pussy and twirl, girl!!!  (Emos?  Again, really?  Annoying sure?  But condemned to eternal damnation???  Poor things.  Aren't they emotional enough as it is?)  Pervert?  ✔ - A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste, damn it!  Pagan?  ✔  Loud Mouth Woman?  Sometimes ✔ - Where's my wig???  High Fullutent?  WTF?  Were they high when they tried to spell falutin'?  Sophisticated Swine?  ✔  Le Oink, mother fucker!  Sports Nut?  ✔  Geaux Saints!!!  (Though I do love that it's actually spelled as Sport's Nuts.  I guess the whole damned locker room is fucked.  Jockstraps be warned!!!)

And why is everything possessive, rather than plural?

Better start makin' your own list and checkin' it twice.

This handbasket of mine is gonna fill up pretty damned quick!

Rabbity Must Read: ThinkB4YouSpeak.com

Great and richly informative site detailing the effects of phrases such as "That's so gay" have on those around us - intentionally or not.  Definitely worth your  while.  Get informed.  Get involved.

The rate at which students use and hear negative language about lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) people is huge. Over half of all students report hearing homophobic remarks often at school.

The common use of anti-LGBT language is directly related to an even bigger problem – the bullying and harassment of LGBT students.

9 out of 10 LGBT students report being harassed at school in the last year. Over one-third of LGBT students have been physically assaulted at school because of their sexual orientation or gender identity/expression.

Such frequent harassment results in LGBT students being more likely than others to:

* Feel unsafe
* Miss school
* Receive lower grades
* Not attend college

Creating a safe environment for all students - LGBT and straight alike - begins with one simple act: thinking before you speak.

A lot of anti-LGBT language is said carelessly, and isn’t intended as negative or hurtful. Understand what you’re saying, and think about the potential consequences of the words you choose.

ThinkB4YouSpeak.com

Following the Reader

This is really for my Mimi, but I know it can get confusing trying to navigate all the bazillion different blogging platforms that are out there today, so I thought I would post it for everyone.  This is for Blogger's Dashboard only and how to add non-Blogger (Wordpress; Blog.com; Live Journal, etc.) blog updates/feeds to your Dashboard.  I will do another 'toot' on Reader and Feedburner later.

Cutting it Short

A few of you have asked me about the various shortcuts and alt keys available for Blogger.  Like where do I come up with all the little hoo-has such as ♥ and • and ♦ and ☺ and so on.  It's really quite simple once you know the code.  The heart, for example is just clicking the alt key and the number 3 on your key pad.  Thusly giving you the ♥ symbol.  There's a complete list of all the alt codes here or you can make use of TwitKeys - originally designed for Twitter - but they work here as well.  Just click here, which will bring up the TwitKeys window - double click on the symbol you wish to use and then copy and paste into your blog post.  There are beaucoup fun stuffs on this one: ☪ ☁ ☃ ♫ ✿ (You can adjust the size of the symbols just as you would any other text.  I keep my TwitKeys as a bookmark in my toolbar for easy access.)  These work in blog layouts as well.  (Have a peek at my older/newer links at the bottom of the page - you will see the ☚ and ☛ pointing the way.)

Blogger also has several keyboard shortcuts you can use while editing posts. They definitely work in Internet Explorer 5.5+/Windows and the Mozilla family (1.6+ and Firefox 0.9+), and might work in other browsers.

Here they are:

control + b = Bold

control + i = Italic

control + l = Blockquote (when in HTML-mode only)

control + z = Undo

control + y = Redo

control + shift + a = Link

control + shift + p = Preview

control + d = Save as Draft

control + p = Publish Post

control + s = Autosave and keep editing

Hi!  My name is no-reply@blogger.com!  And you can not send your carefully composed reply to my carefully composed comment until I do this: 

1. Go to your Dashboard on Blogger

2. Hit Edit Profile, right next to your picture, avatar or whatever else you have showing

3. Scroll down to the line that says : Show my email address and CHECK THE BOX

4. Hit Save

Now, for those of you who do not want a regular email address to show, go to Gmail, Yahoo or any other number of places and get a FREE, yes FREE, email account and set it up.

I can't run my mouth back atcha if I can't email anything to ya!

Word Verification:

I know this one freaks a lot of you the flark out.  It really doesn't do anything but annoy the pee sprinkles out of people trying to comment.  I tested it both ways.  With or without.  No noticeable difference - actually, no, I got a grand total of TWO spam comments with the captcha codes ON.  I have yet to receive ANY with it off.  Go figger.  So rest assured that the ghost of Mother Teresa is not going to come crashes through your window in pink sequined boom-boom shorts and do a lap dance on your basset hound.  It will be okay.  How to fix it, you ask?

The answer...  TURN OFF THE WORD VERIFICATION!

1. Go to your Dashboard on Blogger

2. Click on Settings, which is under the name of your blog at the top left of the page.

3. Click on Comments, which is on the top of the page

4. Scroll down until you see this: Show word verification for comments?

5. Click the box that says: NO

6. Click Save settings at the bottom of the page. Please do not leave this page until you have saved settings.

I am sure there are more that I am not thinking of right at this moment.  More to come...  Give me a holler if you have any questions!  And if you know of some nifty tricks I missed, please feel free to add them to the comments!

OH!  And the F5 key is a Blogger/Twitterers secret weapon.  Hit F5 to refresh the page you are on without having to mouse back up to the top of the page.  Almost forgot that one - and it's the one I use the most!

[No Reply & Word Verification instructions borrowed in part from The Hot Flash Queen]

When Life hands you Lemons, Look in the Mirror.

What a weekend it's been.  Often times we bumble along, lamenting our woe-is-me lives and never once really take pause to look around and wonder on the why of it all.  Sometimes the Universe is really doing little more than giving us a mirror.  "Look at yourself," it says.  "Do you like what you see?"

This weekend was like that for me.  In wandering about the blogosphere I came across a blog that offended me greatly.  A casual comment totally rubbed me the wrong way and shoved me up onto my soap box.  It was a familiar comment: "That's Gay."  Uttered by many without a second thought.  And no, he didn't mean "that's happy and joyous and warm and fuzzy."  It was meant as an insult.  And it was taken as one.

It pissed me off.

It pissed a lot of people off.  

So much so that we almost had a witch hunt on ours hands.  I have asked that those it also offended to leave it alone.  There's no sense in added fuel to the fire and vilifying this asshole who it would obviously be lost on anyway.  Like the Bully on the playground, he would just enjoy the attention.  Unfollow him.  Flag his blog.  But do not play into his hatefulness.  That's not the point of this post.  I wont' go back up on soapbox other than to say this - and be done with it.  The defense of the offender is that he has gay friends (as he commented on the aforementioned post) and thusly they see no problem in it, so it's okay.  This seems to be a common defense of his.  Also on his blog is a rather offense rascist post - but again, he has black friends that think it's funny, so it's okay.  No.  It's not okay.  This hearkens to the "birds of a feather" theory to me.  It doesn't excuse it.  It explains it, certainly.  But it doesn't excuse it.  Just because misogynistic, homophobic, rascist bigots travel in herds and enjoy one another's company does not make it right.

I have a sense of humour.  A rather inappropriate and skewed one at that - as is blatantly obvious to anyone that reads my blog.  Humour is not the problem here.  What this brought to light for me, however, is how I am perceived.  How does what I say affect other that might come across what I am spewing out into the world?  It's really made me take a step back and reassess what I am putting out there and how it may be taken by others.  It's caused - and is causing - me to take some responsibility for what I say - be it in person - or online.

So really, I have to thank the jerk in some way for showing me what a jerk I can be - without ever meaning it.  I am really - from this point on - making a point of making a conscious effort to better myself and my own words.  Consider how it make be taken.  Consider if I want those words or actions to be a reflection of who I am as a person - as a part of this world.  I would be ashamed if I were to be perceived as I have perceived this blogger in this instance.

Ignorance runs rampant in this day and age.  It really needs no help in its endeavours.  Often times if we will take a moment - just a moment - to think before we speak or act we might feel differently about what we are putting out there.  I know this is the case for me.  And it's something I am vehemently embracing in bettering myself for the coming year - and many years to come.

A little pure unadulterated Solstice joy for your Monday!

This is from the ever adorable (and sadly, now defunct) Bearforce One.  Even those of you that are not real hip on diggin' the Christmas music scene will have to smile over this one.  It's just too cute.


And if that didn't get your groove on, try shakin' that thing to this one.  I just love, love, love the fun of it all!!!  How can you not?  (And watch for the whoops at 1:10 - too funny!!!)

Happy Solstice Everyone!!!

Rabbit urine is a tough one to get out...

Never a truer - or more hilarious - assessment of "helping" the computer illiterate.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/computers

Rabbity Must Read: Mommy with a Penis

Been a fan and follower of this one for a while now.  I mean how can you pass this over:

The humorous musings of a gay man who is the mommy of two small whipper snappers, and wife of an ex-drag queen. No wonder I have a complex. Mommy needs a cocktail!

This is a great post, especially in light of my own post from this weekend. Do be sure and check it out!!!

Mommy with a Penis

"Nuts & Chews"

I want to believe that "they" will finally see the light. That the government will not dissolve my marriage. That my children's security will remain in tact, due partly because their parents will be able to remain legally married. It is our civil rights issue of the day. Homosexuals shouldn't have to sit at the back of the bus. And for those of you who need to take baby steps... We all bleed red. How bout we start with that?

It's not Gay. Stop the Hate.

Few things really get under my skin and chap my ass.  (Yeah, right...)  I figure everyone has the right to say whatever it is they haven't the good sense to say.  However, shitty, bigoted, jackhole comments like this do:

"...because we all know that it is cowardly and gay." 

I stopped following a blog tonight because of it.  Right then and there.  I didn't even finish reading the post.  It irked me that much; that immediately.  I am snarky.  Given.  I have a foul mouth.  Another given, but I try my damnedest not to attack and degrade any given group of people.  This one I take personally because, well, I AM gay.  It is not a negative.  It is NOT an insult.  (Most) people would not dare utter "that is so nigger."  Well, no one with any couth or breeding anyway.  It just shows ignorance and blatant disregard for a group of people that are merely fighting for the life, liberty and pursuit of happiness that every heterosexual - breeder - takes for granted.   And it pisses me the hell off.

Can you not come up with anything better to insult people with???  I'll fight it on every level.  Even my own family says it and I have butted heads with them on the subject, too.  It's cruel.  It's unnecessary.  It's downright offensive.  And all it does is propagate the hate.

It's so big, fat unintelligent Okie... (Yeah.  I went there.)

Six Words Saturday (Warning: The word "FUCK" flows freely.)

Six Words Saturday is a weekly series at

 Call Me Cate's blog, Show My Face. 

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. [...] Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. [...] All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required.

Mine for this week are:

Can I get a fuckin' break??? 

My, my how the course of a fucking week can destroy a spirit.  I am so tired of this forced positivity that I am trying to utilize (that is NOT fucking working, by the way)...  Not eating.  No cigarettes.  No coffee.  Unemployment.  No home.  Limbo.  Crazy ass roommates.  It's fucking exhausting.  Dear Mr. Universe Lady, can you give me a fucking break?  Please???  FUCK!  (Yeah, I know, I say "fuck" too much.  Fuck it.)

I'm a Weiner!!!

"I would like to thank the academy for recognizing true genius when they see it.  Unfortunately, I have no one to thank but myself.  Thank you very much!" 

I kid!  I kid!  (But big fat ass juicy points if you can name what movie that is from!!!)  I figure this is the closet I will get to my Oscar/Emmy/Grammy, and I have always loved that line - snark and all, from a horrendously crappy movie that I absolutely adore from 21 years ago - so I figured I would use it.

But seriously, the incomparable Lady J from Pen to Pages has bestowed me the honour of a blog award.  The TMI (Too Much Information) Award.  Which just cracks me up.  I think I have lost a couple of readers/followers because of my TMI ( - and my love of the word "fuck").  So it's good to be awarded, and not chastised for all my TMIedness!  This is technically my first award if you don't count the one from my own mom.  I am quite taken aback and flattered to receive it as Pen to Pages is one of my favourite blogs.  And to think that she is a relatively new blogger that was hesitant to blog in the first place.  If you are not familiar with Lady J's page, you certainly must check it out.  It's outstanding.

The terms and conditions of this award are of a voyeuristic variety.  In accepting the award, I must list eight things a voyeur/peeping tom could potentially catch you doing if they were watching you (Heavens help 'em!), and then, of course, pass the award along to eight other bloggers that I, myself, peep on.

Eight things, huh?  I just realized how boring I am.  I think my Tom would hang himself from the nearest tree out of sheer boredom.

A Ten Year (or so) Collective

This was inspired by several blogs out there that are doing their Top Ten-slash-Best of '09 posts.  I decided that since it's not only the end of the year, but also the end of a decade, I would look back at some of the blog posts over the years and see what my journey has looked like in words...  It's an interesting one, to say the least...

Once (A Poem), September 25th, 1999 - Hard to believe I was this happy at one point, as sad as that may sound.  I thought this was it.  "The One." The addressee and I are still (now) great friends, but the whole relationship went terribly awry.  It's nice to see this and remember how good it really and truly once was.

Drunk and Almost Dead, June 30, 2001 - And from that to this.  This one really shook me.  I don't even recall writing it.  I do recall, however, writing my own obituary (I used to work at a newspaper writing them), and toying with the idea of publishing it.  I even went so far as to place it on the page to see what it would look like.  The damn thing almost DID get published on accident by our idiot assistant at the time...

Go Away, October 15th, 2003 - I think sometimes, despite it all, we just yearn to be left alone.

Eggshells (A Poem), February 23, 2004 - This has always been one of my favourites.  It still holds true.

Travis (A Poem), March, 16th, 2004 - This is dedicated to a dear, dear friend of mine, Travis.  It was written the day he returned after being gone for a year when the war first broke out.

The Bug, April 22nd, 2004 - A funny.  (At last!)  I SOOO remember when this happened.  I got tickled rereading it.  It was pure bedlam!

Disowned & Owning It,  February 15th, 2007 - This is included because of its mention in my other post on lessons learned.  I think it is good to remember how real it all was.  And how hurt I was.  I am real bad to "it's okay" everything to death and gloss it over.  It's good to remember the truths of it all at the time it all went down.

Roscoe Jakob, June 9th, 2009 - Because he will be always remembered

Attack of the Suprise Doodie, August 6th, 2009 - Another funny - this time about Poo.

Coming Out of the Pain, November 11th, 2009 - This is one I really need to focus on.  Coming in out of it all and healing.  Moving forward.  I think it is a great summary of all that has passed and a beacon of hope for the future...

Wow.  One hell of a damned decade!!!  What a journey.  There were so many more than didn't make the inclusion - but if y'all are interested, it's all here (well, online somewhere).  I am not much of a packrat.  I don't often keep people for longer than they are worth.  But my words and memories stay with me always.  Those are worth keeping.

WTF Friday: At Wit's End

This is not my usual WTF Friday - namely because I am just give the fuck out.  This is more of a lament than a rant this time around.  I just don't know WTF to do anymore.  I keep trying and pushing and forcing the positive - I try to live there instead of wallowing in all the shit that really is my life, but I am just so utterly exhausted that I don't know what to do.  I can't seem to win.  I know whatever happened to Baby Jane.  I live with her lately.  Her crazy train has derailed and gone crashing through the fuckin' forest like a deranged werewolf for the past few weeks.  If I am not dealing with the Sphincter Police Control Freak [dripping with pretension]:  "Now you are only alllowed _____ this week." Then screech-smash-bam!  We have Needy Nellie [plaintive]:  "Are you mad at me?  Should I go somewhere?" (mind you we live in a hotel room at the moment, where the fuck is there to go?) then crash-bang-boom comes Kumba YaYa: "Let's hold hands and sing and play cards and..."  And then - for the kicker - I AM THE ASSHOLE!  because I just don't react.  I keep my mouth shut and try to be as unobtrusive as humanly possible - but that is not right either!!!  I guess I am supposed to take the bait and react and argue.  It started again last night - via fucking text messaging on the phone.  I just turned my phone off.  Not going there.

I know she tells everyone how horrid I am am, and oh-poor-me, WOE!!!  But shit, what the hell am I supposed to do.  Not to say that I am a Saint by any means.  I get cranky when I don't have cigarettes or coffee - or food - but again, I just usually withdraw and try to STFU and leave it be.  I guess I should just succumb to her own addiction in trade for my cigarettes.  Sitting in bed and shoveling food into your face seems acceptable around here; smoking, not so much.  I chose the wrong addiction, I guess.  I guess I just need to double in size; work somewhere that fills the feed trough as reward for doing well; and sit in bed (couch) and eat entire bags of corn chips at a time.  I really don't know anymore.  It's like I can't do one god damned fucking thing right as far as she is concerned.  Can't fucking win.

Totally Speechless...

Yes.  You heard it correctly.  I.  Am. Speechless.  I don't even know what to say about this one...  Parenting is a whole new world these days...  Your thoughts???

I'm gettin' nuthin' for Christmas 'cause I aint been nuthin' but dead.

In keeping with the fucked up rabbity general theme of the last video, I thought I would share with you the David Lynchian version of "The 12 Days of Christmas."  I was/am a die hard Twin Peaks fan.  I never missed an episode.  So to find this just really gave me the moist and squishy.  This is not a retro spoof. Recorded for KROQ, it features the famous characters from  Lynch's Twin Peaks series and movie. Cooper, Lucy, Bob, Bobby, Johnny, and Pete Martell. The song was only commercially available in LA, and popped up on radio stations across the country in 1990 (although I never heard it back then). It was only a song then , but the video (below) has it set to memorable scenes from the land of coffee and donuts.

Lyrics and MP3 download available HERE.





You better hope that is, in fact, Santa coming down your chimney in the middle of the night and not Bob!

How better to celebrate the HO-lidays than with singing hookers?

I know it's a crap song from a crap movie - but it's Dolly - and I love it.

Ho!

Rabbity Must Read: The Bewildered Brit

The Bewildered Brit

Can You Guess What it Is?

Holy ... ! What the F... ! How....... Cute?

Fuck me running.  Away.  Now I don't like babies anyway - until they are about 35 or 40 years old.  It's just a thing with me.  They freak me out and make me nervous.  Well, a good friend of mine just birfed one out not too long ago, and fortunately I had not had the displeasure of seeing it yet.

Until today.  (Did I tell you I hate babies?)  She brought the little creature over in it's car seat - all bundled up like some surprise package from the bowels of pastel hell.  Already I was starting to get antsy because I knew she was gonna unwrap that fucker like a side of beef from the meat market and I was gonna have to...  I dunno.  Do something.  Say something.  Run away like Santa Claus from the other day.  As long as the titties stayed in and I didn't have to partake of THAT festivity, I'd be okay.

Or so I thought.  Ol' girl whooped that blanket back and it was like the fuckin' shower scene in Psycho!!!   

EEEEE!  EEEEEE!  EEEEEE!  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!   

DUDE, you aint never seen nothing like this damn child.  It looks like Koko the Gorilla got gang-banged by Max Headrooom and E.T.'s ugly bastard uncle and squirted spawn.  Seriously.

I gasped.  In fear.  I tried to play it off as one of those "Awwwwwwww.  How cute." routines.  I dunno if I was successful or not.  I expected the thing's head to start spinning and pea soup to go flying everywhere.

"Here, Uncle Rabbit, do you want to hold her?"  WTF?!?!?!

THAT'S A HER?????  Well fuck!  What do the males of the species look like?  Hell!!!

I cough-coughed and feigned a cold so I didn't have to hold it.  Fortunately, it had apparently been given it's tranqs for the day because it was having none of it.  Went back to sleep - snoring and farting.  I think I heard it growl.

I hate babies.  But I think I handled this one okay.

Now, if it had come running at me, we would have had problems.

How far can you kick a baby?

 And yes,I am fully aware that this post is sending me straight to hell - but there's plenty of room in my handbasket if any of you would care to join me.

A Year in the Life of...

A little bit of seriousness (it happens) from the tidelands of a mad hatter with no head gear (that would be me).  No snark; no sarcasm (well not too much, anyway).  And I don't think there is a single "fuck" in the whole drawn out diatribe.

With 2009 coming to a close, I have been reflective of all this year has been.  This was to be a "top ten" of the lessons I have encountered over the course of the last year.  I don't think I quite made it to ten, but I have certainly unearthed some very valid realities to give me pause and to consider for the year to come.

It's funny how clearly we can see toward the future in re-examining all that has passed.

Ode to Winter

With the recent onslaught of cold weather - snow in Texas - nipples hardened not by the foxy furnace repair man, but the chill in the air - a need for earmuffs and far too many clothes...  My inner bard was inspired by all this spaztastic chillyness to write a poem in honour of this frosty-ass frigid bitch that is vexing us all.  I hope you enjoy it.

Fuck!

It's Cold.

The End.

What's on your mind?

I found this nifty little site that compiles your top ten Twitter subjects.  Talk about really showing you what you send out into the Universe!!!  I was waiting with bated breath to see what mine were - I just knew that "fuck" was going to be on there.

It's really not that bad though.  Mine are:

What's on Rabbit's mind?

1. dance

2. [feed]

3.  

4. rabbity

5. words

6. six

7. y'all

8. hope

9. marriage

10. @georginadoll

 It's interesting to see in black and white what you are really running your mouth about.  We often say things (or blog or Tweet) and don't give it another second thought once it leaves our immediate consciousness.

Check your own here.

What's on your mind?  What are you sending out into the world?

Six Words Saturday

Six Words Saturday is a weekly series at

 Call Me Cate's blog, Show My Face. 

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. [...] Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. [...] All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required.

Mine for this week are:

"I am lovin' life right now!" 

I don't know if it is the fact that Solstice is just around the corner or what, but I have just been in the best of moods the past few days.  The week started out kind of rough - and I am in so much physical pain that I can't sleep or see straight, but I have what I can only liken to hope for the future.  I can feel the changes in the air.  They are almost tangible.  And they are changes for the greater good.  I just know it.  I feel it in my bones!  (Ha-ha!  Maybe THAT's why I am hurting!  Not used to so much positive energy!!!)

A friendly seasonal reminder...

Hope you have a DIVINE holiday!!!

Look Around, Rabbit!

I often sit here in front of the computer perplexed about what to blog. I am one of those people that writes everywhere - and on everything. I keep a stash of pens to make your supply closet look empty (which, if I have been near it, it may well be). But the creativity doesn't always flow in front of the computer. I need the scritch-scritch-scritch of pen on paper...

Which is ironic, because my world is a plethora of stories... I see the strangest things that most people miss. It's like the Universe is just quietly handing me material. If I would just look around and use it.

I was telling my friend about my afternoon today - and she was like 'there's a blog post!' and the light over my head flickered.

I was sitting outside watching the cars go by like I am wont to do - looking much like a lunatic in my own right: red einstein hair (I have a bad habit of pulling it every which way); Buddy Holly-esque eye glasses; hot pink fuzzy slippers; blue plaid capri pajama pants; black t-shirt; and a horrendous Oriental red kimono print robe; dragging a kitchen chair down the balcony to watch the cars. There's an image.

Rabbity Must Read: No Name Dufus

I have long been a fan of this blog, but this morning it gets a rowdy "HELL YEAH!" (Literally!!! I scared my roomate half to death!)  In his post today, he covers The Anitchrist, dipsticks, a dead child molester, and a moose killing mutant - AND The Muppets.  And hits the nail square on the head on all counts!  Don't miss it!

No Name Dufus

"I'm a Cynic"

More Nutty Goodness - The Balls Edition

Now, let me preface this by sayin' that I am in no way, shape or form a fan of Miss Piggy Deen.  She comes across to me as an obnoxious Yankee with a horribly fake accent masturbating her way to fame with a poorly executed gimmick.  Works my tits OFF.  In fact, when she got wonked in the snout with a flying, frozen ham I think I laughed so hard I shit out my own funny bone.  For your viewing hilarity (she was fine, btw.  Calm down.) here's the video:





That being said, my (unhealthy) obsession with peanut butter far outweighs some jackhole TV personality.  These things are to die for.  I know some of you (Ellie) are allergic to walnuts or pecans as am I.  I usually will just mix the confectioner's sugar with some cocoa powder and roll them in that.  You can also melt down some choclate bars and dip them in that - depending on just how big you want you butt to get for New Year's.

Anyway - without further ado - here is the recipe for

Miss Piggy Deen's Nutty Balls:

Ingredients:
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup honey
2 cups powdered milk
1 1/2 cups crushed cornflakes
1 1/2 cups finely chopped walnuts or pecans
1 cup powdered sugar

Directions:
Mix peanut butter, honey, and milk together in a large bowl to form very thick mixture. Roll mixture in small balls about the size of a walnut. Roll the balls in either the crushed cornflakes, finely chopped nuts, or powdered sugar. Place on waxed paper and refrigerate for 20 minutes.

p.s. A nifty trick for minimizing the mess when measuring PB - stick a cupcake/muffin paper thing or a piece of tin foil in your measuring cup before you cram it with the peanut butter.   Then you can just lift it out and scrape off the PB without getting into a cussing match with your measuring cup for withholding that last li'l bit.

Attention Mommie Bloggers!

Was looking through the job board at ProBlogger this morning and came across this that some of y'all might be interested in:

We’re looking for bloggers who don’t just write great posts but have their own established blog too. We’re currently looking for bloggers whose blog falls into ONE of the following categories:

-Parenting Blog
For Example: If your blog focuses around parenting topics only such as parenting advice and parenting experiences, bringing up children.


We’d like you to write well written articles on your own blog based around a topic set by us. The article must contain one ‘follow’ link to a URL using the anchor text as specified by us and be between 300-400 words long and remain on your blog permanently.

The payment will vary depending on the popularity and strength of your blog. However, there is the potential to earn between $10 and $20 per post. We prefer self hosted blogs which have been live for 6 months or more and which have some page rank and back links.

More information and how to apply here.  I know a lot of you have really outstanding blogs and thought, since you're doing it anyway this would be a great way to supplement y'all's income!

Check it out!